Quitting Things and Flakiness: The #1 Productivity Anti-Hack

by Clay on April 5, 2008

Bicycle Feet Up 2

Modern life has us enmeshed in a web of unwanted and unnecessary commitments.  Most of us spend the majority of our time doing things we don’t want to do.  We join committees because we think they’ll look good on our resumes, go to birthday parties out of obligation, attend inane meetings, stay in bad relationships out of fear, take on unwanted work projects to gain favor with our bosses, stay in jobs we don’t like instead of quitting.

Unwanted commitments seem to beget more unwanted commitments.  They’re like lies: they multiply fast.  If you take on an unwanted project to please your boss, then the next time a similar project comes by she’ll throw it in your lap.  If you unhappily go to an acquaintances birthday party out of sense of obligation, they’re likely to invite you over for dinner, or call you more often.  You get my drift.

What Does this Have to do with Productivity?

Well, it’s common knowledge that productivity naturally emerges from passion: when we love what we’re doing, productivity becomes irrelevant.  The corollary is that being unproductive results from doing things you’d rather not do.


And while it’s a stretch to say that demand for productivity material is driven purely by job dissatisfaction and passionless living, I’m quite certain that the booming productivity industry would be far less lucrative without an overworked, overwhelmed, and continually stressed workforce.  It’s not the fault of productivity experts, they’re just responding to market demand and they’ve done excellent jobs.  It’s just that elaborate productivity systems have all too often become crutches for passionate living. These systems are largely geared towards helping people do things they’d rather not be doing.  There are people living passionately who still need productivity systems, but they’re the exception rather than the rule.

The problem isn’t that people don’t have passions.  Half of the bored-out-their-mind workforce knows what they’d do if they weren’t so damn busy, and the other half would find their calling if they only had enough time to come up for air and breathe.  The problem isn’t lack of passion, it’s lack of energy.  It’s lack of time.  Perhaps a better time management system, or any number of hacks, would help.  But these things are often temporary fixes for an un-ideal situation.

Passion and Productivity

Like many others, I’ve been quick to point out that the direct route to productivity is being passionate about what you do.  This observation, however, is largely an academic point that doesn’t do much to help the problem.  Very few people hear that passion will make them productive and then-out of a dedication to productivity-immediately proceed to follow their dreams and become more productive.  So, instead of talking about how passion will make you more productive, I’d like to re-frame the conversation by saying this . . .

Unwanted Tasks are the the #1 Cause of your Productivity Problems

If you only did things you wanted to do, you’d probably be the most productive person in the world.

Q: What’s the solution?
A: Stop doing things you don’t want to do.

Of course it’s not that simple, and I’ll be spending the rest of this blog post trying to make sure that this solution isn’t an oversimplification.

De-Simplification

OK, we all know that there are some things we have to do to avoid imprisonment and being horrible human beings.  We have to pay taxes, we have to take care of our children (hopefully this is a joy), etc.  The problem is that most people are very bad at differentiating between these very real non-negotiables and fictional non-negotiables.

What I’m saying is that if you want ultimate productivity you might want to think about aggressively removing everything you don’t want to do from your life.  Declutter your headspace.

Some Lists of Things you Don’t Have to Do

 Feet up (Vickykc) 2 You simply don’t have to…

  • Return all phone calls
  • Respond to all email (I have 258 unread messages in my inbox right now)
  • Stay on that committee you joined to pad your resume
  • Take opportunities that “you’d be stupid to pass up”
  • Stay in college
  • Stay in grad school

It’s not necessary to…

  • Hang out with friends you only kind-of sort-of like
  • Stick with everything you start
  • Live up to others’ expectations of you
  • Have a respectable career, own a home, and be married by the time you’re 35, 45, or 55

In order to make time for renewal, you might have to…

  • Not buy great/cool/expensive birthday and Christmas gifts for everyone
  • Make your husband file his own papers
  • Let those who have become unhealthily dependent upon you take responsibility for their own lives

In order to jump-start passionate living again you might have to…

  • Stop being an (unnecessarily) “responsible” person
  • Quit projects that are no longer relevant
  • Be happy with a less than permanently clean home

Too Much Work (againstart)2 In order to come alive, you might have to…

  • Pursue an occupation that doesn’t put your insanely expensive degree to use
  • Move back in with your parents
  • Work a low-status, low-paying job in order to make time for your new endeavor
  • Come to terms with your messy home
  • Completely and utterly ignore your parent’s and friend’s expectations of you

If you really want to live passionately, you’ll need to consider leaving nearly everything you’re not passionate about.  To live passionately you may have to quit your job, sell your home, rent a small apartment, and live simply for a while.

To get off the treadmill you’ll have to realize that your high IQ does not obligate you to work 80-hour weeks in high-status professional career.  Your high IQ also doesn’t obligate you to get a Ph.D., or to put on any other golden handcuffs.

In order to de-clutter all the crap in your life, you might have to quit a lot of things.  You might have to say no hundreds of times.  You might have to back out of several commitments.  And you’ll very definitely run an incredibly high risk of looking like a flake, coming across as arrogant and ungrateful, and disappointing people who love you.  It’s an understatement to say that . . .

All of This Takes Chutzpa, and is Scary as Hell

It’s scary as hell not just because it requires hundreds of leaps of faith, but also because people will aggressively resist your liberation.  (For the best illustrations I’ve seen on this topic, check out The Well).  People stuck on the treadmill of life have often invested a lot of time and anxiety buying into all the “shoulds” of life.  Your liberation will threaten their mode of existence.  Lots of people have devoted themselves to following, and strictly enforcing, societal rules, and your liberation will threaten the very foundation of their false parallel universe.  By breaking free, dropping down the rabbit hole, taking the red pill, etc. you will challenge numerous false assumptions, and you may sadly loose friendships.  I have.  It sucks.

I want to emphasize that it’s not quitting things and being flaky that will make you productive, it’s the aggressive elimination of everything that doesn’t make you come alive.  You have to clear the weeds to make way for a garden of authentic living.

This is a lot of sacrifice for the sake of getting things done, and you may be thinking . . .

Why Do All This for Productivity?

The answer is that none of this should be done for productivity’s sake.  In the grand scheme of things, productivity is mostly irrelevant.  No one lying on their death bed wishes they had implemented a better time management system, or created a ticker file, or been more diligent about emptying their inboxes each week.  They may, however, wish that they’d quit their 30-year-old dead-end job, spent more time with family or children, and actually traveled the world or wrote that novel.

Quitting, “Flakiness,” and Escape: Not for Its Own Sake

All of this quitting and flakiness is certainly not for its own sake; it shouldn’t become a way of life or your primary mode of existence.  Leaving, quitting, backing out should not become a habit.  Escape should not become your primary means for solving difficult problems.  The elimination discussed in this article is for the sole purpose of creating space to grow a beautiful life, and as you eliminate, be sure to replace all your “shoulds” with joyful work and authentic endeavors.

For more advice on how to be flaky, subscribe to my blog.

Photos by Sanjayausta, Vickykc, and Againstart (in that order).

[tags]productivity, quitting things, flakiness, unwan
ted commitments, job dissatisfaction, passionate living, productivity industry, lack of time, lack o
f energy, time management system,anti-hacks, alternative productivity[/tags]

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Comments Closed

  • http://putthingsoff.com Nick Cernis

    Great advice, Clay! The line that stood out for me is “It’s not necessary to stick with everything you start.”

    That’s a lesson that came far too late in life for me. I’d recommend that everyone read Seth Godin’s “The Dip” — a book about knowing when to quit (and when to stick). Life changing stuff.

  • http://www.adaringadventure.com/blog/wordpress/ Tim Brownson

    I get lots of clients that just can’t say no to stuff and they let it get out of control. I usually ask them which famous person they most respect in the world. I’ll often get responses such as Oprah, Tiger Woods, The Dalai Lama etc so then I ask them “How often do they have to say no, how many invitations per week do thay have to turn down, 5, 10, 100? It usually makes the point.

    Some cool stuff in there Clay, and as a man that sometimes feels compelled to reply to a growing number of e-mails, advice I maybe should take myself more often.

  • Laurie

    I think this is my favorite post yet! Great job.

    It’s tricky, obviously, because I think a lot of people in our generation have the opposite problem– saying ‘no’ to too much! There’s something to be said for occasionally sticking something out awhile to see if things improve and occasionally doing something you don’t want to do because it’s better for you in the long run.

    Although I guess in those cases, it’s important to be in touch with you ‘Want’ rather than just what you ‘want’. For example, maybe you’re in the middle of finals week and you ‘want’ to quit school, but what you really ‘Want’ is to get your J.D. so that you can become an immigration rights lawyer. I think honoring commitments to friends can be thought of the same way– maybe I’m kind of busy right now and my best friend asks me to help her move. What I ‘want’ to do is stay home and get some other things done, but what I ‘Want’ to do is help my friend, build the foundation of our friendship, etc.

    But if we’re wasting time doing things that we don’t ‘want’ or ‘Want’ to do and they aren’t “non-negotiables” like caring for our children and paying our taxes, then we need to cut that sh*t out!

  • http://mojo1000.com/ MonkMojo

    Laid out nicely Clay.

    I

  • Amanda Linehan

    I am a huge proponent of leaving things behind that need to be left. It’s time to go when you realize that this thing you are holding onto no longer adds to your life, but subtracts from it. It’s really a statement of what is important to you.

  • http://www.momgrind.com/ Vered@MomGrind

    I agree with all of it, but I am having a hard time with “you don’t have to stay in college”. Isn’t college education the first step towards building financial success?

  • http://www.energiesofcreation.com Lexi of Creative Energies

    This is an excellent explanation of an obvious reality that is not always obvious to everyone. When distilled to their essence, the issues of living passionately are clear.

    And sometimes it is a matter of people not wanting to leave their comfort zones, or wanting you to leave their comfort zones. I recently wrote a post “Are You Trapped in a Brain Closet?” addressing one facet of this pattern.

    And in closing, Vered, if you are passionate about anything that requires a degree, such as being a doctor, lawyer, etc., yes, a college education is the first step. For other pursuits the college education may or may not be relevant.

    My husband says he spent twenty years recovering from his master’s degree, for example. And his degree was in fine arts, which is where his passion lies. The education he received was actually counterproductive to the way he needed to work with his art.

  • http://bloggingwithoutablog.com Barbara Swafford

    Thought provoking post, Clay

    “Move back in with your parents”? This does present a problem if your parents have learned to say “no”, knowing you have become “”unhealthily dependent on them and are not taking responsibility for your own life”, based on the wisdom that sometimes we become more well rounded individuals by working a few of those dead end jobs, attending “boring” family functions, helping friends (and sometimes strangers) in need, and working two or more jobs to pay off that insanely expensive degree we didn’t use (but told our parents that’s what we wanted to be when “we grow up”.

    I do know clutter (especially material things) does weigh us down, it’s not necessary to follow the “leader” to succeed, joy is often found by volunteering our time to help those in need, and electronic gadgets which we got for our own convenience, create an umbilical cord that can easily be severed by hitting the “off” button.

    Although some situations do not bring us immediate (or any) satisfaction, it’s often in those challenging times we find our true passion.

    ————————–

    Hi Barbara,Of course you can’t move back in with your parents if they don’t let you, and you shouldn’t move back in with them if they don’t want you to. People move back in with their parents for a variety of reasons: one of these reason is to help take care of them in their old age. Not everyone who moves in with their parents is “unhealthily dependent on them and are not taking responsibility for their own lives.”

    There are actually a million ways that we can become well rounded, and I don’t think someone should keep a dead-end job for the sake of well-roundedness… life has a way of throwing us enough challenges as it is. I can’t imagine that you are in favor of people staying in dead-end jobs. I never talked about boring family functions in this post, in fact I said that “we all know that there are some things we have to do to avoid being horrible human beings.” And I mentioned that people lying on their death bed usually don’t wish for more productivity, but instead more time with family, etc.

    Barbara, I think helping friends, family members, and strangers in need is a great thing. I haven’t spoken against this. But I think helping others works best when it’s done in a guilt-free and intentional way. It’s something that I’m personally passionate about and something that I’ve made time for. I’ve not once suggested that you shouldn’t be a charitable person.

    I think it’s very important to differentiate between someone taking these suggestions in a purposeful, principled, and passion-driven way, and someone doing these things in a selfish and win-lose manner.

    Regarding the expensive degree that we told our parents we wanted. Well, that’s just always the case. There are a variety of situations: my parents did not pay for my degree, other parents do. Some children guilt their parents into paying for expensive educations, other parents guilt their children into taking it. And then there are a number of situations where this are wonderful and healthy.

    I completely agree with this: “it

  • http://mojo1000.com/ MonkMojo

    @Clay – I

  • http://she-power.com Kelly@SHE-POWER

    Clay

    What a brilliant post! This is exactly why I have trouble with productivity systems. Too often it’s just a way to make our busy lives more manageable, and that in itself is the problem.

    There is no need to be busy all the time, and personally I doubt that you can ever find out who you are and what you need if you cram your life full of people, jobs and obligations.

    I commend you for writing this post – important ideas that are really well articulated. And I love the way you structure your articles by the way; I think I could learn a thing or two from you.

    Cheers
    :) Kelly

  • http://bloggingwithoutablog.com Barbara Swafford

    Hi Clay,

    Thank you for elaborating on your post.

    My “take” on this post (with the “list of things you don’t have to do”), was that some would think you were promoting selfishness, with no little to no regard for others. By just “reading the list, and reading, the sentence, “If you really want to live passionately …..”, some could easily take what you say literally, skirt their responsibilities, throw caution to the wind, and chase their passion. I’m happy to see you addressed that issue more specifically in your comments.

    As much as I don’t feel one should not have to stay in a dead end job, often it’s that job that pays the most, has the best benefits, puts food on the table and a roof over their head. In communities that are suffering from hard economic times, often the choices are limited. In other cases, what appears to be a dead end job, can become an opportunity in disguise. I’ve heard of many young people who started at the bottom, developed a vision, and years later ended up owning the company.

    Clay, as for you and your character, I don’t doubt that you are truly a loving, giving, caring person, who takes your responsibilities seriously.

  • http://tomstine.com Tom Stine

    “Hang out with friends you only kind-of sort-of like”

    HUGE time killer, life drainer, productivity waster. Only problem is that you will find yourself spending more time alone. Some people dread that. I revel in it. I’m far more productive than I used to be. And I enjoy life much more.

    Tom Stine | Spiritual Awakening

  • http://www.inmyheels.com JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You

    I’ve been doing a lot of “cleaning up shop” as of late since my life had a lot of unpleasant filler – things I would do that I wasn’t happy about. You’re right- there’s plenty that you DON’T have to do. Doing things in line with what I feel is my purpose or passion is still -if looked at objectively – work but doesn’t feel so mindnumbingly soul sucking.

    Thinking you HAVE to do things that you don’t is such a trap. For instance- I made to decision to surround myself with people that enjoy spending time with a while ago. Best thing I’ve ever done for myself. *chuckle* I am quite unhappy any other way.

    I’ve felt alot of what your message shares lately. You can either live with passion or live in that hamster-mentality. I know the Rx “Have Passion” isn’t so easy for those who don’t know what they’re excited about yet.. I feel blessed to be able to sense what makes me tick. Reading this post prompts me to take a look and see what other downsizing I can tackle in order to continue building my dream and my happiness.

    And yes, have a “method to your madness”. People will be freaked out by your liberated self – and rightfully so if you’re just quitting things to quit ‘em. This is where self exploration is so useful.

    reading this post made me feel good. I’m bookmarking this.

  • http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au Liara Covert

    One may think that deepening self-growth involves learning the usefulness of saying “no.” Learning to set boundaries and limits for how you wish to spend time is part of growing up and getting-to-know yourself. We all outgrow certain relationships and conditions. We don’t evolve at the same pace as everyone we know or have known. Our interests change. The point is to be honest enough with yourself to make choices that are in line with your beliefs and priorities and not based on seeking external approval. This post may be of interest:

    http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/3/12/learn-the-value-of-saying-no.html

  • http://justakrusen.blogspot.com Mark Krusen

    Clay, I followed you over here from Tom Stine’s blog. This a great post you’ve written here. I’m going to put much of it to use in helping me get through some interesting things I’m going through right now.I’m now an email subscriber and I’m looking forward to my daily dose of “The Growing Life.”

  • http://treesbend.blogspot.com Damon L.

    Wow Clay, another wonderfully thought-out, inspirational and meaningful post! I’d pay money for a book from you, and to my knowledge you have no advanced degrees in the area of “meaningful living” (are there any? ;) It’s obvious to me that this is one of your passions.

    Tim Ferriss has a quote from, I believe, a classic sci-fi writer that essentially explains the difference between duty, and what people expect from you. You should NEVER confuse the two.

    At the end of your life, you can’t blame your old boss for working you 70 hours a week doing something you hated. That was your choice not to leave.

  • http://www.MySimplerLife.com Beth Dargis

    I love this, Clay! I figure there is just one of each of us. And if we spend all our time doing what others want us to do or things we think we “should do” then we won’t have time for what we are meant to do.

    I know so many people that complain they have no time to do what they want because of the things they have to do:

    like – order contacts for a 21 year old daughter (she can’t call herself?)
    - plan a big birthday party alone (get others involved, think of alternatives to a party)
    - go across state for a shower for someone you’ve never met who is marrying a cousin (just say no)

    By letting go of some obligations, I am able to spend time doing what is important to me: volunteering, spending time with friends and family, and writing.

  • http://successsoul.com/blog/ Shilpan | successsoul.com

    Clay -

    Amazing post. I believe that if everybody works for what inspires them most, we may not have any so called “Productivity Industry” that exists today. Part of the problem lies in the fact that too many people like to do what pleases others than what pleases their own soul.

    Thanks
    Shilpan

  • http://www.inbetweenpolitics.com Jack C. Buck

    like the site- enjoy the post- made me think

  • http://www.aworkingrachel.blogspot.com Working Rachel

    Really excellent post! Others have said everything I have to say about it.

  • http://www.technotheory.com Jared Goralnick

    Really excellent post, Clay. I can hardly add much to the discussion, but I’ve echoed your thoughts on my own blog to help spread the word and say it again:

    Walk away if it

  • http://thebookshare.blogspot.com J.D. Meier

    Nice post Clay! I think you’re hitting the real point that the most efficient productivity system, doesn’t help if your life is full of meaningless tasks.

    I found the biggest key to changing productivity is changing your metaphors. I changed a few metaphors:
    - Work is a buffet. Don’t overload your plate. Take multiple trips. Finish a plate, then get more.
    - Think in terms of value-delivered over backlog burndown.
    - Manage energy, not time (a power hour in the zone blows away 8 hours of churn and burn.)
    - Start each day fresh. Ask, what’s the three most valuable things I can do today?
    - Rather than p1, p2s, p3s — factor by MUST, SHOULD, COULD (this speaks to our brains more effectively.)
    - Don’t confuse activities with outcomes.
    - Start with something simple (build momentum.)
    - Think “portfolio of results” (mind, body, emotions, career, financial, relationships, fun) — and invest in each area
    - Results fuels passion (ideas with no results burn people out or lead to frustration or stuck mode.)

    I use a simple routine for getting results: Monday vision, Daily Outcomes, Friday Reflection. On Monday’s I have the team imagine it’s Friday and we’re looking back — what would make us feel great if we accomplished? Each day is a fresh start — we think in terms of what would be great to accomplish (guided by Monday’s vision.) Friday is a day for reflection. We carry forward lessons learned to the next week.

  • http://hdbizblog.com/blog/ @Stephen | Productivity in Context

    Tremendous article Clay. I love the part about re-thinking assumptions about what is important. I did my own Quarterly Review over the weekend, and one of the things that I noticed was that I need to keep my eye on the prize, focusing on doing the relevant things, not everything that comes into the In-box.
    Some things just aren’t worth doing.

  • http://sharingmatters.com Paul Montwill | Sharingmatters.com

    Clay, this post should be move to the ABOUT section of this blog. This post is the essence of The Growing Life.

    For the last few years I have been concentrated on making my life slim. Without disruptions, with fewer things I don’t like to do, without much influence from others. I live me own life and step by step I find out what I like to do the most. But for many years I had lived with “must” and “can’t”. Way too long.

    If you don’t like your job you can start learning something new in the evening and weekends and change your profession. I know many people who did it. The only people who fail are those who say “it is to difficult”, “my situation can’t be changed”.

    “No one lying on their death bed wishes they had implemented a better time management system, or created a ticker file, or been more diligent about emptying their inboxes each week.”

    That is true. But capitalism is sometimes worst than communism. We believe in what we are told and walk like blind people. Instead of relaxing we work really hard because we think that some day we will be able to relax.
    More often we should think what makes us happy.

  • http://sharingmatters.com Paul Montwill | Sharingmatters.com

    @ J.D. Meier: “Results fuels passion (ideas with no results burn people out or lead to frustration or stuck mode.)” You are right. The world is full of frustrated dreamers and it takes very long time to be action oriented instead of dreams oriented. But it is worth the effort.

  • http://justakrusen.blogspot.com Mark Krusen

    I’ll have what Paul is having.:)Actually my wife and I are now stopping to smell the roses. But Paul says it so much better than I could.

  • http://www.AttractionMindMap.com Evelyn Lim

    Hello Clay,

    This is by far, one of the More Excellent Posts I’ve read on your blog or for that matter, in the past few weeks over a number of blogs (And I do read a number…*wink*…). Well done!

    “You have to clear the weeds to make way for a garden of authentic living.” — Nice quote you have there!

    You’ve well articulated what I’ve been recently doing in the clearing out of clutter and to become increasingly focused on doing what feels right. It feels scary initially because in the decision to come alive, I have to discard habit patterns and the false security that had held me together for so long. But the pursuit of one’s passion and to live up to one’s ideal is a dream that became increasingly appealing, beckoning me to take a leap of faith.

    Thank you once again for writing this piece. There is so much wisdom in it!

    Evelyn

  • http://www.EmpoweredSoul.com/blog Andrea Hess | Empowered Soul

    Nice article, Clay! My criteria for “do I have to do this?” often goes like this: “Will the sun keep shining if I don’t? Will the Earth keep revolving?” It puts things in perspective … most of the really important stuff we think we have to do really isn’t all that urgent.

    Blessings,
    Andrea

  • Jay

    Solid advice all the way through Clay. I do have one concern though… what if hacking my productivity to the Nth degree is something I don’t want to do? By dropping that, have I created some kind of circular logic that will eventually turn black into white, vice versa, and ultimately negate existence? I fear your posts are starting to become too powerful!

  • http://watdawat.com Chris

    I agree that you shouldn’t have to stay in college if you are not achieving growth. College should not be a chore, it should be a journey.

    Clay you said,
    “The elimination discussed in this article is for the sole purpose of creating space to grow a beautiful life, and as you eliminate, be sure to replace all your

  • http://www.momgrind.com/ Vered@MomGrind

    @Clay: “If you want someone else to pay you lots of money, then you

  • http://www.productiveflourishing.com Charlie Gilkey | Productive Flourishing

    This is hands down the best post on authentic, productive living that I have read in a good bit, and that’s saying a lot as I read a lot of blogs and write one in this vein myself. What struck me as the most powerful theme in this article was that productivity is merely a means to an end – and, if we examine our lives correctly and use that information, being productive becomes a secondary question to how we are living.

    An opus, indeed, and I cannot see your how this post and the ideas within could be said or presented anymore powerfully or clearly. I think you’ll find that this coming Friday’s meditation on Productive Flourishing ends on a theme very similar to what you’ve said. Let me know what you think.

  • http://truebalancelifecoaching.blogspot.com Shann Vander Leek

    Thank you for this powerful post.

    The list of things you don’t have to do resonated with me.

    Over the years I’ve become a master of the art of saying NO and living on my own terms. I am grateful to have the ability to say no thank you and no longer involve myself in activities that well, frankly … suck.

    Why on earth would anybody want to live a life filled with the impending dread and doom of the commitments they couldn’t find the courage to say no to?

    AND …

    Consider the lame use of the word MAYBE for people who are afraid to say NO, but want to say no, who let MAYBE slip past their lips in order to sneak away hoping that the subject matter never crops up again.

    If maybe is the passive aggressive word for no, why not cut out the middleman and just say … NO? I say Rip off the bandage and get on with your life.

  • http://justakrusen.blogspot.com Mark Krusen

    Clay, Isn’t it interesting how one letter out of place can change the meaning of a word. I wanted to come back and read the comments I liked all of them but I especially liked Shann’s. “Why not just cut out the middle man and say no”. I love that. That darn Middle man is always getting in the way. He is always taking some of the profits. Great idea Shann. I’m cutting out the middle man all day today. I’m going to practice getting out of the way of my own self so God can get in.

  • http://delightfulwork.com/ Tom Volkar / Delightful Work

    Clay good thinking man. We all need a freedom list of things that others think we ought to do and that we are proud to say “Hell No” to! I can still remember how good it felt to not go to the funeral home of a certain relative or to say no thanks with the truth to a social invitation. I sometimes still say yes but I know I can always say no and exercise that freedom.

  • http://jennytomlin.wordpress.com Jenny

    WOW! There were many valid points that you hit on that I have, to some degree, had to do. Yes it’s hard but I have found that in the end it has been much more rewarding! In fact I have recently done a little “quitting” of some things and have surprisingly had more time to spend on my writing! I look forward to coming back to your blog!!

    Thanks!

  • http://michael-moniz.com Michael Moniz

    I love your comment about do not hang out with friends you sort of like. We sometimes keep people in our lives that do not need to be there. Then we waste time trying to maintain the relationships half the way. It is better to let them go. Frees your time to spend with the people you LOVE! :)

  • http://www.cubiclehacks.com Vanleurth

    Great Post,

    I wonder if I can use it as a guest post in my cubiclehacks website. By the way I started getting out of tasks that were dragging me down and in a month a got a raise for incresing my productivity and have accomplished so much more than the last three years. I started by unsubscribing from all the crap and just keep rss feeds from people that will tell me what and how to do things.
    Next stop, I went through all of my crap and decided to use extreme thinking (that is what I call it). This is, I imagine the fire department is in my building waiting for a bomb to go off. A fireman asks – Do you live here? – yes, I do – You have 10 minutes to get three things out of your place, a bomb will send everything to hell. Once I answered the questions what were those three things I will save I decided to get rid of everything else. Now, I don’t clean that much and I have more time for production.

    Please, let me know if I can use this post as a guest post in my brand new blog http://www.cubiclehacks.com

    Thank you,

    V.

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  • http://onebagnation.wordpress.com/ Ann at One Bag Nation

    This really resonated for me. I’m having a hard time devoting just 10 productive hours a week to my “paying job” because I find it so boring.

    However, it is a means to an end, and with that in mind I want to become more productive and efficient so I have quality time for things that matter to me!

  • Paige Turner

    I don’t think moving back in with your parents is a terrible thing. I moved back in with my parents because my husband was an abuser and I finally worked up the nerve to leave him. I moved 900 miles away and gave up making 65K a year plus benefits (which is a lot for me) to working in a temp job for $10/hr. I’ve never been happier. I’m helping my folks pay off their mortgage, and they’re helping me get back on my feet again. Who cares what other people think?

  • http://www.loraleighvance.com Loraleigh Vance

    Damn! I love your thinking and the way you write.

    I’m sure this has been said before and pardon me if you already have but… Ever thought about writing a book?

  • fartleby

    Great advice…but what? But how? I would rather change to than change from and I have no idea what I want to change into. I know, I can take that stupid Kinsey test, blah blah bleh.

    I can volunteer (for what?), I can come up with a blog (about what?) and claw/schmooze my way to the equivalent of middle management (#120001 on the Technorati list, etc) but I have no hunger for that. I have no hunger for anything so I just keep milling gold for The Man.

    I’m not asking anyone to answer these questions for me, and I don’t expect that I have to be happy and funded all of the time. If I could find something that meant more to me than I do I would dedicate my life to it. It should be easy, since I don’t mean all that much to myself, but nothing seems to mean much of anything, not really. Everything is situational and contingent and doesn’t last much past the wrap party.

  • Jess

    thank you for writing that. i’ve browsed around a bit…this is your 3rd post i’ve read. alternative approaches to life is my current passion; your blog makes my brain light up. thanks again…i’ll be reading. :)

  • gmv

    What Jess said — your blog makes my brain light up too! I just found it this past week and glad I did!

  • Madhavi

    I ran into your blog randomly…
    Very well written Clay! I am amazed at how you have made this profound piece of writing so direct and so simple! and it makes so much sense….

  • http://www.theandysan.com TheAndySan

    Hello Clay, I’m a first-time reader of your blog and I’m really liking what I’m reading. It feels great to know that there are other people out there in the world who know that working that 9-5 job isn’t the only way to get anywhere in life. I’ve subscribed and I look forward to your future posts!

    TheAndySan
    http://www.theandysan.com

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  • http://quidzoo.com carla

    Very nice article. I learned a lot while reading this post. Leaving things behind if its time to let go and useless.

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  • Sue

    Clay,

    This is a really thoughtful, well written post. What you have actually done is opted to voluntarily simplify your life. I think there are ways to respectfully convey the desire to cut back or bail out of unnecessary commitments without coming across as flaky or arrogant, so it’s not a given that you will be perceived that way by others when you are clear in exercising your priorities. Taking the time to connect with ourselves in order to start identifying our passions and what we really value means being committed to carving out the time to just be with ourselves–and that in turn means saying no to demands on our time that don’t support the process of identifying then taking the steps to move toward living on purpose.

    Ultimately, when we find our passion and purpose–whether through paid work or devoting unpaid time and energy to a cause we strongly support–we become much happier in ourselves, we are able to live from a place of integrity, our productivity and energy levels are way higher than in the past, and we are in a MUCH better place to work toward effectively bringing about the positive changes in the world that we wish to see. While I’m borrowing Gandhi’s expressions, I’ll add that another of his mottoes was “My life is my message”. Once he discovered his passion and purpose, he didn’t just talk about it, he lived it–and was willing to go to jail for it on many occasions. Obviously, I’m not suggesting we should all go to such extremes to figure out how to make our life’s work align with our passion and purpose, but it is illustrative of Gandhi’s commitment to his “Project Liberation” — liberating India from the British empire.

    I’m just in the beginning stages of figuring out how to incorporate my passion and purpose into my life’s work. Being in a work place that has gradually, over the last couple of years, shifted its culture to accept and encourage behaviors that are so toxic to my spirit that it has literally made me physically ill has been the final push from the Universe to get me realigned with the kind of activities that energize me rather than drain me. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you great success in achieving Project Liberation.

  • Clay Collins

    @Monk: I’m glad that you like this. How would one turn this into an illustration? I have not clue.

    @Amanda: I agree that what you do “is really a statement of what is important to you.” Family is important to me, and it doesn’t matter whether I get short term gratification from being with them during one particular event. The point is that they’re important to me and so I spend time with them. Not out of a sense of obligation or guilt, but out a free and willing sense of volition.

    @Vared: Thank you for your very kind comments. Regarding a college degree: A college education is one of the many ways to financial success, but there are hundreds of ways to do this. There’s a heavy percentage of entrepreneurs who have left high school (see this site’s dedication), college, etc. See for example Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, my grandfather, etc. I would actually argue that wealth creation doesn’t require you to have a degree. You can invest in the stock market, start a business, etc. without a college degree. If you want someone else to pay you lots of money, then you’ll often need a college degree, but if you want to pay yourself lots of money, or pay others lots of money (to work for you) then it’s not necessary.

  • Clay Collins

    @Lexi: I like the titled :

  • Clay Collins

    @Laurie: I think you’re right about a lot of people in our generation saying NO too much. I think there’s a big difference between a principled and purpose driven “no” and a lazy “no” that’s driven from a win-lose and non-abudent mindset.

    I like how you differentiated between little w ‘want’ and a big W “Want.” I think that when someone “comes alive,” pursues their passion, etc. then it contributes to a better world. I’m not advocating for a self-centered me me me attitude, but rather radical authenticity. The authentic me ‘Wants’ to do things that it doesn’t ‘want’ to do, and I believe that when eliminate all of our bogus commitments, it’s much easer to make time to do the things we ‘Want’ to do, even when we don’t ‘want’ to do them. Um… this is getting convoluted :-). Thanks for your insightful comment.

  • Clay Collins

    @Tim: I bet you’re a good personal coach. Thanks for sharing how you work through this with your clients.

    @Nick: I’ve wanted to read “The Dip.” Now it’s time to go to the book store.

  • Clay Collins

    @Shilpan: You said that “part of the problem lies in the fact that too many people like to do what pleases others than what pleases their own soul.” I think this is mostly right. In my view, people don’t like to please others. In fact, when someone puts pleasing others over being true to themselves it probably makes the pleaser lose some self-respect and possibly become a little upset towards the person they’re pleasing. I imaging that post people fail to act authentically (i.e. please others) out of fear.

    –Clay

  • Clay Collins

    @Jenny: Thanks for the nice words. Please do come back!!

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